The Waking Dream

I wander though the world as in a dream.  Each day more unreal to me than the last.  The moments I spend awake seem like the dream, moments I must endure before the blessed reality of sleep takes me home once more.

Here I sit in a fog, a general confusion, for the workings of the world around me.  My thoughts disjointed ramblings trying to make sense of it all.  My senses betray me as I take it all in.  The touch of this pen, my hand on the table, all illusions created for my benefit, for my torment.

Only in solitude do I find myself.  Only alone away from the trappings of this age do I truly begin to feel at peace, whole.  In the woods all themes become possible, all possibilities become clear.  The trees in their ancient solitude appear as quiet companions, guarding and watching over me.

The cold wet earth beneath my feet holds its own secrets, its own special magic that lures me onward.  It is only in the peaceful solitude, that moment we stop and listen to the sounds of nature around us, that we can experience the wonder of it all, the majesty and mystery that we continually deny ourselves in the human pursuit of advancement.  Each day takes us further and further away from ourselves, from our connection to life itself.

Life as we know it is not real, it is a mass hallucination created out of fear of the unknown.  We are born into the dream, taken from the womb and taught diligently how to un-become, how to loose our spirit and how to trudge our way through this made up existence.

But in dreaming we return, if only briefly, to reality.  In dreaming we are freed from the constraints the world has imposed upon us and we can be who we were truly meant to be.  Sitting alone in the forest is like a waking dream.  It is a moment where we can remember the magic. Magic that we've been denied for so long.  In solitude we loose the distractions and are free to find ourselves recaptured by the mystery that life was meant to be.

"Though the field of empty dreams I walk alone" sings Greenday.  The melody capturing the rhythm of my heart.  Here in the fading light of the day, on an earthen path through ancient trees, I walk alone.  But here in the comfort of the close green wilderness I know that I am not alone.

As in the waking dream my surroundings become surreal. My senses are alive and aware of all that is around me.  I feel the presence of the spirits of this place.  Some quick and mischievous and some quiet and serene.  They beckon to me, calling to my heart, pulling me onward.

Raging Waters

Walking along the riverbed cool waters sooth and calm my spirit. Each step is placed carefully one in front of the other avoiding an abundance of loose stones. A bright new sun shines down upon a particularly brilliant pebble. Stooping to pick up the memorizing stone I loose my footing and fall into the rushing waters of the little river. I find myself falling, drowning, being swept away by the merciless waters. Under the water my spirit refused to leave. Pulling and stretching my spirit twisted into a new calling. From the body I once owned arose a new body made of flowing waters and I was now a water goddess. Standing tall with arms outreached I called to the Lady of raging waters, Hekate. “Lady hear me!” rang my watery plea. Deep inside turmoil and confusion danced through me.

The skies turned cloudy and gray and started rolling with my varied emotions. Lightening streaked across the sky in response to the chaos building inside of me. A lightening bolt struck my outreached fingers and my whole body came alive as the energy violently coursed through my watery substance. The electricity burned and purified my being, bringing air and fire together within me. From somewhere deep within a white light began to form and slowly radiate outward from my new existence. The light is pure and all consuming, cleansing me of all my wounds, chaos, and confusion. With a new sense of peace and tranquility languidly I began to sink into the welcoming Earth. Within the warm embrace of the final element I was calmed and made whole, being thus tamed I saw clearly my path laid out before me.

The Evolution of Spiritual History

In the beginning there was energy.  This energy then began to move and change.  This energy is the divine energy of the ALL.  As the energy continued to move and change it began to create physical matter.  In this creation the stars and planets were born.  And unto one lonely planet this energy created the first life purely through its own motion.  The life forms created by this energy and still connected to it began to change and evolve.  Each newly formed being was completely at home with its place in the universe and continued the process of creation and evolution set forth at the beginning.  As some beings began to evolve they started to become aware of the connection.  The connection that was always there but until this point had never been conceptualized.

It was hard for the first sentient beings to explain the connection they felt.  They knew it was there, they felt it, but as they grew in intelligence they insisted on rationalizing it.  So the first humans gave the connection a name "Spirit".  Spirit was everything, just as the ALL is everything.  The first humans began to understand ways to utilize the connection they had with Spirit and magick and prophecy was born.  As populations grew and diversified so the people found it necessary to diversify Spirit to fit their particular individual needs.  So the understanding of Spirit was divided into the gods and goddesses of old.

As each tribe took up the mantle of their own group of gods that part of Spirit changed and evolved to fit the needs and desires of the people.  Pantheons were born.  Many people gave their own energy in the form of belief and service to their group of gods making them stronger and more individualistic.  As each deity was served by its followers it grew stronger and gained its own identity.  It is in this form our gods and goddesses were born.  From the devoted and loving energy of the ancient peoples who gave of themselves to give their gods life.

Once the gods were born they became eternal, just as our souls are eternal.  As energy can never be created or destroyed only change its form so the gods can not be destroyed only change their form.  As pure ethereal beings the gods depend on the energy of their followers to make them strong.  Energy is sent to the gods in the form of love, prayers, devotion, and service through the connection of Spirit.  When the energy is no longer sent the gods grow weak, they may even change to fit the energies that are being offered, but they do not die.  When once again sentient beings take up the mantle of the old gods and send their energy to them they grow stronger.  As the gods grow in strength they are then able to interact with those beings who they share a strong connection with, their followers.  The gods may then resume their divine roles and help or hinder who they see fit.

To me people, gods, planets, and stars all make up the great tapestry of life.  Each thing is a living entity all its own, an individual thread, but necessary to beauty and function of the larger whole, the tapestry.  So as a poly-pantheists I look within myself to see the divine, to find my spiritual answers, but I also look outward into the universe where I can worship and serve the gods to whom I share a kindred spirit.