Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Waking Dream

I wander though the world as in a dream.  Each day more unreal to me than the last.  The moments I spend awake seem like the dream, moments I must endure before the blessed reality of sleep takes me home once more.

Here I sit in a fog, a general confusion, for the workings of the world around me.  My thoughts disjointed ramblings trying to make sense of it all.  My senses betray me as I take it all in.  The touch of this pen, my hand on the table, all illusions created for my benefit, for my torment.

Only in solitude do I find myself.  Only alone away from the trappings of this age do I truly begin to feel at peace, whole.  In the woods all themes become possible, all possibilities become clear.  The trees in their ancient solitude appear as quiet companions, guarding and watching over me.

The cold wet earth beneath my feet holds its own secrets, its own special magic that lures me onward.  It is only in the peaceful solitude, that moment we stop and listen to the sounds of nature around us, that we can experience the wonder of it all, the majesty and mystery that we continually deny ourselves in the human pursuit of advancement.  Each day takes us further and further away from ourselves, from our connection to life itself.

Life as we know it is not real, it is a mass hallucination created out of fear of the unknown.  We are born into the dream, taken from the womb and taught diligently how to un-become, how to loose our spirit and how to trudge our way through this made up existence.

But in dreaming we return, if only briefly, to reality.  In dreaming we are freed from the constraints the world has imposed upon us and we can be who we were truly meant to be.  Sitting alone in the forest is like a waking dream.  It is a moment where we can remember the magic. Magic that we've been denied for so long.  In solitude we loose the distractions and are free to find ourselves recaptured by the mystery that life was meant to be.

"Though the field of empty dreams I walk alone" sings Greenday.  The melody capturing the rhythm of my heart.  Here in the fading light of the day, on an earthen path through ancient trees, I walk alone.  But here in the comfort of the close green wilderness I know that I am not alone.

As in the waking dream my surroundings become surreal. My senses are alive and aware of all that is around me.  I feel the presence of the spirits of this place.  Some quick and mischievous and some quiet and serene.  They beckon to me, calling to my heart, pulling me onward.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Raging Waters

Walking along the riverbed cool waters sooth and calm my spirit. Each step is placed carefully one in front of the other avoiding an abundance of loose stones. A bright new sun shines down upon a particularly brilliant pebble. Stooping to pick up the memorizing stone I loose my footing and fall into the rushing waters of the little river. I find myself falling, drowning, being swept away by the merciless waters. Under the water my spirit refused to leave. Pulling and stretching my spirit twisted into a new calling. From the body I once owned arose a new body made of flowing waters and I was now a water goddess. Standing tall with arms outreached I called to the Lady of raging waters, Hekate. “Lady hear me!” rang my watery plea. Deep inside turmoil and confusion danced through me.

The skies turned cloudy and gray and started rolling with my varied emotions. Lightening streaked across the sky in response to the chaos building inside of me. A lightening bolt struck my outreached fingers and my whole body came alive as the energy violently coursed through my watery substance. The electricity burned and purified my being, bringing air and fire together within me. From somewhere deep within a white light began to form and slowly radiate outward from my new existence. The light is pure and all consuming, cleansing me of all my wounds, chaos, and confusion. With a new sense of peace and tranquility languidly I began to sink into the welcoming Earth. Within the warm embrace of the final element I was calmed and made whole, being thus tamed I saw clearly my path laid out before me.

The Evolution of Spiritual History

In the beginning there was energy.  This energy then began to move and change.  This energy is the divine energy of the ALL.  As the energy continued to move and change it began to create physical matter.  In this creation the stars and planets were born.  And unto one lonely planet this energy created the first life purely through its own motion.  The life forms created by this energy and still connected to it began to change and evolve.  Each newly formed being was completely at home with its place in the universe and continued the process of creation and evolution set forth at the beginning.  As some beings began to evolve they started to become aware of the connection.  The connection that was always there but until this point had never been conceptualized.

It was hard for the first sentient beings to explain the connection they felt.  They knew it was there, they felt it, but as they grew in intelligence they insisted on rationalizing it.  So the first humans gave the connection a name "Spirit".  Spirit was everything, just as the ALL is everything.  The first humans began to understand ways to utilize the connection they had with Spirit and magick and prophecy was born.  As populations grew and diversified so the people found it necessary to diversify Spirit to fit their particular individual needs.  So the understanding of Spirit was divided into the gods and goddesses of old.

As each tribe took up the mantle of their own group of gods that part of Spirit changed and evolved to fit the needs and desires of the people.  Pantheons were born.  Many people gave their own energy in the form of belief and service to their group of gods making them stronger and more individualistic.  As each deity was served by its followers it grew stronger and gained its own identity.  It is in this form our gods and goddesses were born.  From the devoted and loving energy of the ancient peoples who gave of themselves to give their gods life.

Once the gods were born they became eternal, just as our souls are eternal.  As energy can never be created or destroyed only change its form so the gods can not be destroyed only change their form.  As pure ethereal beings the gods depend on the energy of their followers to make them strong.  Energy is sent to the gods in the form of love, prayers, devotion, and service through the connection of Spirit.  When the energy is no longer sent the gods grow weak, they may even change to fit the energies that are being offered, but they do not die.  When once again sentient beings take up the mantle of the old gods and send their energy to them they grow stronger.  As the gods grow in strength they are then able to interact with those beings who they share a strong connection with, their followers.  The gods may then resume their divine roles and help or hinder who they see fit.

To me people, gods, planets, and stars all make up the great tapestry of life.  Each thing is a living entity all its own, an individual thread, but necessary to beauty and function of the larger whole, the tapestry.  So as a poly-pantheists I look within myself to see the divine, to find my spiritual answers, but I also look outward into the universe where I can worship and serve the gods to whom I share a kindred spirit.

Cave of Changing Crystals

You are climbing up a gently sloped mountain path. The climb is invigorating and enjoyable. You climb at a moderately slow pace so as to enjoy the scenery around you. As you are walking you look up and notice that you are close to the top of the mountain. Just a few more feet and you reach a beautiful plateau, in front of you you see a glistening white opening of a cave. There is a sparkling light coming from the mouth of the cave. Intrigued you step closer to investigate. Lining the mouth of the cave are small clear quartz crystals, and they continue on into the cave. Lured by their beauty you enter the cave. Surrounding you the walls are covered with clear quartz crystals that appear to be lit from within. Take a moment and breathe deeply, feel the purity and innocence of your surroundings. You feel good, all the way through your body and soul, heady with the powerful environment around you.

Now walk forward just a little deeper into the cave, the crystals light your way. You notice the clear crystals now have a slight pinkish tint to them, and as you continue they grow deeper and more vibrant, until you come to a small chamber with filled with brilliant red crystals light from within. Standing in this chamber you feel warmth in your loins and power surging through your veins. You feel powerful and courageous, your body and mind drinking in both desire and confidence. You stand here bathed in the red light of the crystals focusing on these feelings and sensations. Then you move on.

As you leave the red chamber the light of the crystals is less harsh, the red color appears to be fading from the walls. You continue on into a chamber of outstandingly orange crystals. They look like each one of them is lit by a tiny fire deep within their hearts. You breath deeply of this energy and feels a tug just behind your belly button. You feel strong and fit, your body resonates with vitality and endurance. You stand here bathed in the orange light of the crystals focusing on the energy and and strength within you. Now you move on.

Leaving the orange chamber you take with you feelings of power and vitality. Breathing in you walk forward and the crystals are changing again. The orange is softly fading into a very pale yellow. Further along the corridor the yellow color in the crystals grows more prominent until you enter a small chamber brightly lit by yellow crystals. The very air is infused with the joy of the sun. With a smile on your face you understand the wisdom of the path you are on. The light from the room seems to be concentrating on your solar plexus, filling you with its warmth and understanding. You stand here bathed in the yellow light of the crystals focusing on this new found information and ideas. And then it is time to move on.

With a new point of view you continue along your path within the crystal caverns. The once yellow crystals are now a pale green. As the green deepens it almost feels as if they are alive. Stepping into the green crystal chamber you are filled with the living light of nature itself. You feel so acutely alive and aware. The crystals are vibrant and comforting, they touch feelings deep within you. You heart is immediately aware of your personal sense of being. Joy and sorrow, despair and elation are all around you. The feelings of the heart, with no explanations and no apologizes you feel. Standing here in the overwhelming sensations of your own heart you rejoice at the knowledge it brings to you. But you must move on.

Pulling yourself together to make the effort to continue. You know what is coming next. The crystals along the walls turn from green to aqua to a peacefully true blue. You enter the blue chamber and a sudden clam and peace settle over you. Your heart and mind immediately quite and you are captured by the honest serenity of the room around you. The crystals sooth your wild heart and resonate a peaceful melody deep into your soul. You feel lifted and cleansed standing here among the beautiful blue crystals. Within the blue light feel warmth in your throat and all blockages are released. Healing of your spirit has begun. Now we move on.

As the crystals deepen and darken your perceptions begin to sharpen. Entering this chamber filled with deep dark purple light your third eye fully opens. It is almost dark in this chamber, the small crystals glowing mysteriously. You feel your mind open and awareness of a new kind floods in. The world around you becomes more clear and you can now see things you were only slightly aware of before. Spirits hover here, offering their help to you as guides in this new and magickal realm. Awareness here is the key, awareness of the hidden realms both in the world and within your very being. You reach out and touch with your mind the minds of those around you, psychically you are one. With this new awareness we must venture forth again.

The deep purple of the crystals begins to lighten along the path and you know that you are headed to a higher destination. You are now ready for this final step. You have traveled along the path, through your body and spirit through the cave of changing crystals and now you prepare for the last meeting. Entering the cavern of the indigo crystal you feel a divine presence come over you. Your entire being is filled with the light of the gods. You being is filled with this very special light, your body being previously prepared is now ready. The gods enter into you and become one with you. Your heart, mind, and spirit have been cleansed for this moment. Stand here and feel the majesty of the divine light flow through you. Listen. As you come down from your experience you are aware that it is now time to go.

With a pure heart and enlightened mind you travel from the divine chamber. The light of the crystals slowly fade to white. Having experienced each spectrum of your being you now align with the light white crystal around you. As you walk you are purified, cleansed of all unwanted energies. You walk forth from the cavern bathed in a pure white light, reborn unto yourself in all of your majesty and beauty, compassionate and understanding you step forth back out onto the mountain top into the light of day. And once again, you must move on, this time taking all you have learned with you.

Friday, September 3, 2010

The Time Before I Was Me

It's 1970 about 2pm.  It is a beautiful day here in the mountains of Colorado.  The air is crisp and fresh and I'm feeling good.  I get behind the wheel of my blue Pontiac, my friends pile in around me.  A couple of guys and girl in the back and my best girl friend in the front.  We are free and it's party time!  I crank up the music as I make the turn onto the highway.   I've taken this route a million times, this bridge between the mountains, I know where I am going no need to pay that close attention.  There all singing and screaming around me, everyone's having a great time, in anticipation of the party.  I am young, about 24 or so with lots of brown curly hair and I'm lookin forward to the good time I know I'm gonna have.  I make the turn onto the bridge, they are bouncing in the seats behind me, I'm very excited.

What's that in front of me?  A semi?  It's going to hit us!  I crank the wheel hard to the left to avoid the collision, but the bridge is too narrow.  We miss the truck but crash over the barrier on the opposite side of the road.  We are falling, falling and screaming.  I know I am going to die.  Without a thought I say the Lords Prayer: "Our Father who art in heaven hallowed by thy name, give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and glory, for ever and ever, AMEN"

As the last words fall from my lips I find myself standing on the ground, watching as the car impacts with the side of the mountain.  I watch passionless as my body crumples broken and bloody.  There were no survivors, yet I do not feel remorse but rather an eternal calm that came over me the moment my soul separated from my body.  I look up to the sky, there is somewhere else for me to be, my time here is done.

I awake in my room with such an odd feeling.  What a strange dream I just had, it seemed so real.  I looked down at my small child's body, it was nothing like the woman in my dream who was me.  What was that about?  Was that me?  Did I die?  Was it a life before now?  I am too young to understand, but I never forget.

An Astral Moment

It's almost morning.  My eyes are still closed but I can tell the room is starting to lighten around me.  I love this time, the time when your body starts to waken but is still captured by the comfort of sleep.  I feel relaxed and comfortable, I know I have a little smile on my face.  I can see that I am sleeping peacefully, lying in my small twin sized bed in my small 10x10 bed room.  I look around and notice that every thing is as it should be.  My dresser is along the wall next to my closet.  My dolls are safely put away.  I have left some clothes on the floor though, I will need to pick them up so gramma doesn't lecture me about my messy room.  After completing the assessment of my room I look back down on myself again.  I sure do look peaceful sleeping there.  Wait a minute.  Somethings not right.  I know where I am, I am lying on my bed.  But how can that be when I am looking down on everything from my ceiling!  I am sacred, what do I do!?  Flashing, purple and black.  And then a snap!  My chest hurts, I sit up gasping for breath.  Confused I look around my room.  Everything is just as I saw it, including me.  What happened, why am I breathing so fast?  Calm yourself Vickie, nothing really happened.  If I don't think about it, it wont matter.

And so I chose to go on, putting this experience behind me until a time when I was much older and could understand.  This is why we should tell our children about astral projection and psychic phenomena, so they are prepared when it happens to them, and maybe they wont be so scared.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Old Man Kern

We set sail on a ship with a crimson prow
Into the air we rose with ancient know how
We knotted a rope into a deadly noose
Gods forgive us the knots were too loose
That’s the day we almost hung Old Man Kern

Freedom within his grasp
That old scamp ran very fast
Into the woods he did flee
Only to be felled by the runes of his enemy
And down went the fame of Old Man Kern

Down the old stone wall he fell
Landing prone at the bottom of a well
Upon him came a serpent of ancient lore
Bent to a primal need and nothing more
Today we let a snake eat Old Man Kern

Each year as the snows melt away
We are reminded of a man who died this day
And we place flowers on the grave
Of an evil old knave
Beware the ghost of Old Man Kern

Sunday, August 8, 2010


Poly-pantheism is the combined beliefs of Polytheism and Pantheism

In pantheism it begins with the ALL.  The pantheistic belief that all things are connected and all the realms of the multiverse are ONE spiritual being.  ALL beings, every thing, every molecule of the universe has an energy like connection to everything else.  We are connected to each other, to the plants, and animals, and stars, and they are connected to us.  In pantheism this connection in and of itself is divine, the ultimate expression of true divinity IS the connection.

The gods and goddesses in pantheism are aspects of this connection.  Each deity is an aspect of the ALL.  Therefore each deity is directly connected to each of us as well as each other.  All of these aspects can than be considered to all be one deity with many faces.  In pantheism a person searches for the divine within themselves.  Because all things/beings are pieces of the divine each person can then consider themselves divine through this connection.  Because each person is divine, in essence a god or goddess unto themselves, they have no need to search external forces to fulfill their spiritual needs.

This does not mean however that a pantheist does not acknowledge different deities.  Many pantheists make a special connection with a particular aspect of the divine in the guise of a specific deity.  This deity is a representation of the living divine within that person.  For example: a pantheists who worships the Egyptian goddess Bast will most likely have an infinity for cats and find that the peace and protection of their home life is among the most important things to them.  A person who worships the Greek god Apollo will most likely enjoy the fine arts, bright sunny days, and may even have the gift of prophecy.  Pantheists take the expression of the divine from within themselves and manifest it as a particular deity with matching attributes.

There are some pantheists who rather than finding a specific deity to connect with instead revere the ALL purely as is.  Their allegiance then becomes one with the pure energy of the divine, faceless with many faces, nameless with many names, timeless throughout all time.  This may take the form as a single cosmic energy or as in many cases is divided into the masculine and feminine principles.  One goddess who is all goddesses and one god who is all gods.  This allows a pantheist to recognize the divine roles of males and females in all aspects of life without having to commit to any specific aspect.  In the case as with the previous case of aspected pantheism the person will look within for their connection to the divine.  These people will acknowledge the different gods and goddesses as different aspects of the divine but rather than choosing a specific aspect to work with they will work with them all in the guise of the Lord and Lady, the masculine and feminine principle.

On the other hand in polytheism all deities are intrinsically separate and our connection with them only occurs after contact is made through worship and study.  Polytheistic deities exist as separate individual entities.  Each deity, as a separate entity, has their own sets of values and requirements for their worshipers.

All of the ancient gods and goddesses of our ancestors are considered to be physical living beings separate from each other.  As in the case for pantheism the polytheistic practitioner will gravitate towards deities that have similar attributes and temperaments as their own.  The main difference here is that the polytheist will look for their deity externally.  While pantheism denotes a life of "self service" to serve the gods, polytheism is much more directly an individual service to a specific deity/deities.  Polytheism requires the acknowledgment of each deity as wholly separate entities requiring different devotional techniques from their followers.

This separateness allows the polytheist a very intimate spiritual place.  It allows them a seat in the presence of their specific deity, in essence making them special and marking them as worthy individuals. Polytheists will continually endeavor to please their deities by studying and by service.  It is important to learn of the historical and modern religious applications for each persons deity so they may better serve that deity's individual interests.  And it is through this service that the polytheist gains spiritual fulfillment.

In the eyes of Pagans both of these points of view are good and correct.  Most Pagans find a very happy home as either a pantheist or polytheist.  I on the other hand found a deep connection with both.  Instead of restricting myself to one theological system I learned how to incorporate both into my spiritual life, hence the term poly-pantheism.

I believe that all things within the universe are connected and that I am a part of that connection.  I do believe in the ALL, and I do believe that as a part of the ALL I am a goddess.  So on those grounds I look within myself for my spiritual answers.  But as an individual person with my own needs and desires separate from my fellow humans I also believe that the different gods and goddesses are separate individuals with their own needs and desires, worthy of individual attention.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My Religious Decription

So I was talking to this guy on Beliefnet and had to explain to him my religious/spiritual views and here is what I came up with.

I am a
Eclectic Poly-pantheistic Neo-Hellenic Reconstructionist Witch
How's that for a mouthful!  HA!

I believe that all gods are individual separate entities that we created from the ALL and that I personally try to revive the ancient Mediterranean cultural religions in my practices as much as possible (and is accepted in our society) while utilizing magickal practices to further my spiritual connection.

Ever stopped to truly analyze all of the different facets of your beliefs and put them into a semi-coherent sentence?  Well, I challenge you to just try it!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

A New Dawn Awakens

The night is deep and soft alone on the cliff, the ground is bare and worn around the cherished ancestral home. Overlooking the sea is a beautiful white Victorian home, perched precariously on the edge of the abyss held aloft only with bare wooden rafters.  Inside this ancient mansion of memories ghost white furnishings are sparsely placed on the dark wooden floors.  The small white bed is old and comfortable, placed near a window in view of the calm blue waters below.  Soft white curtains delicately frame the old portal and flutter playfully with the gentle sea breeze.  Gently illuminating the interior within shines the brilliant light of summer's first full moon.  An ancient watchman chronicling man's journey through time, the moon hovers high in the sky.  One moment the heavens are at peace and the next moment sets the luminous orb into unnatural motion.  From the lonely window the moon is seen falling through the sky, tumbling down towards the horizon with unsettling speed.  A wrenching can be felt in the center of each earthly being as the moon continues its plummet to a new placement in the heavens.  Within a matter of moments north and south exchange places in their cosmic dance upon the earth.  As the polar partners move Mother Earth opens her gaping maw and spews forth her primal pent up rage upon the world.  The air is defining with the noise of waring ancient gods suddenly awoken from their timeless slumber.  The shift is gut wrenching, catastrophic, everything goes black.  In the dark all is quiet.  An infinite moment passes and a point of light breaks through the darkness.  Pure and new and all eyes are opened to the realities of a new day.  All is green and fresh, washed clean by earth's eternal waters.  The air itself is infused with the color and scent of newborn green plants, the first birds sing their arrival.  In the distance a small fire is lit where survivors gather for warmth and support.  Some gathered here are looking for lost loved ones, desperate for any news.  The rest are held fast to the fire in silent repose, shock covering their faces as they struggle to come to terms with their fate.  Over the horizon a new dawn awakens upon a world born again.